I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
