I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
