So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
