It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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