So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He did a backflip because drugs
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