How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
