So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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