I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
