my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
