either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
