then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
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You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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