The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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