He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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