I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
