I just saw a hot homeless man
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
