Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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