You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
