Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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