She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
