found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
