Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
