She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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