this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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