A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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