please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
