sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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