hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
