If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
