the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
