They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
