youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
