I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
