he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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