Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
