TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
