Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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