Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's blow job season.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
