don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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