No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
