i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
