Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
