everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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