thus making me awesome and them whores
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
