it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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