First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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