If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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