Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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