cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
