He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
