question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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