I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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