New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
