just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize