I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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