I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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