I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
