Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
