Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
