I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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