Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
