dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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