I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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