Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
