the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
