He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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