his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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