dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
