I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
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