So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
