I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
