She announced her abortion via fbk
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
nutella sex= disaster
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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