Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
