Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he fucked my hip out of place.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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