Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
