Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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