last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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