IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
