Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize