She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
this is an emotional support booty call
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
