I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
