Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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