After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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